The Pain Game - Part 2: Why Change Requires Suffering

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.”

For me, Alexis Carrel’s quote strikes a deep chord, encapsulating a fundamental truth of the human experience. Carrel speaks to the necessity of psychological pain in the process of transformation. A simple definition of psychology is the study of mental processes and behaviour—and changing these is no easy feat.

As we age, neuroplasticity declines, making it increasingly difficult to alter thought patterns and behaviours. This, in turn, amplifies the discomfort of psychological change. A striking example from my own life is a close friend who was diagnosed with OCD in his early 20s. The mental and emotional pain he endured during cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) was immense. That being said, the suffering he experienced before his diagnosis was even more debilitating. Every day, he woke up drowning in a cortisol soup, using all his energy just to stay afloat—thrashed around by the storm of his own mind. He resisted suicide almost daily. Engaging in CBT to challenge and rewire his thoughts and behaviours was an uphill battle, demanding immense perseverance. But he understood—perhaps not in words, but in instinct—that Carrel was right. Change requires suffering.

More broadly, no one ever grows by staying within their comfort zone. As someone once told me, under every dragon lies gold—so you’d best grab your sword and start slaying.