Listening will get you places!

Why Listening is so crucial to good relationships; a little recognised skill which is not as easy as it sounds, but which can benefit you in so many ways.

We've all experienced the lousy feeling of talking to someone, a friend, family member, work colleague or whoever, but can tell they are not listening. They looking at their phone, or glancing around elsewhere and pretending to listen. It is disrespectful and may make you feel maybe upset, maybe angry, maybe belittled or whatever negative emotion arise in these circumstances. They hear you, but they are not listening, and there is a huge difference.

So what is listening if it is not hearing? Let's start by looking at one definition of the word hearing. "Hearing is the faculty of perceiving sounds." So hearing is part of listening, but is only the start - acknowledging and trying to understand what is being said is the active, most important part of listening. One definition of listening is "to take notice of and act on what someone says." By looking at the person who is talking to you, actively thinking about what they are saying and letting them know that you have understood, you are listening to them. Try repeating what you think they have said by saying, " So do you mean....Are you saying that...What do you mean by saying..." This active listening process is important in so many ways, possibly the most important of which is building trust; trust is what good relationships are built on. Relationships play a big part in our lives, with family, with friends, within the work place, with anyone whom you have regular contact! In other words trusting relationships will usually make us happier and more successful and listening plays a vital part in establishing these relationships.

People who are skilled at listening, who take the time and make the effort to really hear what is being said, are generally popular, and they make others feel good. Listeners build trust more easily and in turn are more likely to be listened to when they talk, and trusted, as they have already established a basis for open communication. 

So how does active listening get you places? How can listening make you happier and more successful? Here are some potential benefits but this is not an exclusive list:

In personal relationships you will be liked and respected.

In working relationships you will have more chance of your opinion being listened to.

In negotiation situations, the other party will feel more inclined to listen to and consider your points and position.

In disputes or arguments, acknowledging the other party's grievances will help to establish common ground.

Why not try out and practice active listening and see where it takes you?